Ask the Readers: How Do You Figure the Calculus of Kids?
Published by Manny on Tagged Finance-Investing
I keep intending to retain “ask the readers” as a regular Friday feature — and I keep failing. You folks send me tons of great questions, and I’d love to share more of them. This week, for example, Lisa wrote with the following.
“Having kids has made spending choices much more emotional and complex,” she says. “You can’t always calculate a return on investment.” Here’s her predicament:
My husband and I are looking to purchase a home in our new city, but we’re having trouble deciding where our values, finances, and priorities intersect.
We have young children, one who will start public school this year. We’re considering buying a home in a modest neighborhood so we could have a house/car replacement fund available, rather than taking all of the down payment money and putting it in a “better” house. The schools in the neighborhood are solid, but not the best in the district. If we buy in this smaller, less fancy area, we can choose a 15-year mortgage, minimize our overall house expenses, and have more money for all of life’s priorities. But, it feels like we’re “cheaping out” on the kids.
To compound our “analysis paralysis”, we lost a fair amount of equity when we had to sell our house to transfer out of state, so we’re feeling less than enamored with the idea of putting money that is currently liquid into a building that isn’t guaranteed to hold its value, much less appreciate. (We have no car/consumer debt, and we have a comfortable emergency fund.)
I think our family might feel more comfortable in a more modest neighborhood with more coupon-clipping parents and kids who don’t have the latest and greatest, but I also want my children to have a great education. Have other parents faced this battle, doing what’s best for the overall budget vs. doing what’s expected for our kids? We’d love to hear how it worked out for you.
I love questions like this. They’re a clear demonstration that personal finance isn’t only about the numbers; it involves a complex calculus of math, emotions, and dreams.
Most of the time, I can offer suggestions when people ask these sorts of questions. But when it comes to kids, I’m at a loss. Kris and I have chosen to remain childfree, and as a result, I’ve never had to wrestle with these sorts of sticky issues.
From a non-parent perspective, I admit that the obsession over which school a kid will attend seems…well, I don’t know how to put it in words that won’t make people angry. But I’ve watched friends and family go through mental and financial gyrations to get their kids into the right pre-schools, which boggles my mind. I’m a firm believer that education is more about the child than it is about the school. If a kid has been taught to love and value learning, she can thrive almost anywhere.
In other words, I’d urge Lisa to make her decision based on finances and not the school district. This may mean she needs to take a more active role in fostering her children’s intellectual curiosity, but that’s a good thing all the way around. But what do I know? As I say, I don’t have kids, and I don’t know what it’s like to actually face this decision. It’s one thing to say it and another to live it.
So, what do you parents say? How do you judge the trade-off between expenses and education? Is it worth paying more to live in a good school district? How does one make this sort of decision?
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Related Articles at Get Rich Slowly:
- Workshop for Kids
- links for 2007-04-06
- links for 2007-03-26
- links for 2007-03-31
- How Do You Teach Kids the Value of Money?
View full post on Get Rich Slowly
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March 13th, 2010 at 5:13 am
I add my voice to the chorus of “buying a house that lands your kids in a school that is good but not the best is not cheaping out.”
We have faced this choice a couple of times. We have always been more comfortable in the more modest neighborhoods. Especially for elementary schools, “the best schools” are not necessarily best for your kids. In fact our children (3rd grade) have done better in the more modest neighborhood school than they did in the fancier neighborhood school (in another state). The difference between “good” and “best” schools will rarely be experienced by any child, especially in elementary school.
Also, it is interesting to note the phrasing of the question: “doing what’s best for the overall budget vs. doing what’s expected for our kids”. You want to do what is best for your kids, which since you are asking this question includes modeling good financial behavior, rather than what society expects.
Bottom line: go with what you think will be a better environment. After all, your children will learn more from you than from their school.
March 13th, 2010 at 5:39 am
I haven’t read through all of the comments so forgive any replication. I’m at the other end of this having raised my son as a divorced Mother and sent him to some highly rated public schools. I’d think about it several ways.
1. First, are the schools really better in the pricey area or is there just a perception that they are? Sit in on some classes, go to some extracurricular activities. Sometimes the teaching is equivalent but there are just more kids with advantages pumping up the test scores of one area over another.
2. What do you value in schools? Supportive teachers, good school spirit? a lot of volunteerism? AP or IB programs in the high schools? Good math curriculum? Strong reading program. Foreign languages? Again, don’t just go with what everyone says. Sitting next to rich kids all day doesn’t mean you’ll learn more.
3. My son went to highly rated public school and got a great education. it just happened to be where we landed and at the time the small houses didn’t cost appreciably more in one area than another. I think education is really important and I’m grateful but I sometimes think a slightly less competitive environment would have been more supportive.
4. As long as the schools are basically sound and offer a good curriculum with good teachers, your children’s academic achievement will be more dependent on the attitude towards learning that they see at home than how the schools are rated. I know some highly educated kids who went to school in some pretty marginal school districts. good luck with your decision.
March 13th, 2010 at 6:24 am
Personally, I think the involvement/interest/concern of the parents is going to outweigh the marginal difference between most school systems, provided the “modest” one is at least decent.
And frankly ( might seem like a political tangent here, but not meant that way), I find it very bizarre that parents and their children depend on the “school system” as the main provider of education. Parents and loved ones as well as the individual ( the child) are primarily responsible for the upbringing and education of their own kids, not the state.
I live in a “good” school system, and even in the “best” I find a lot of faults. This is probably because of the “system” as a whole that really places very little value on education and normal/healthy learning behavior, IMHO. I don’t worry about my children, but I worry about the kids with terrible parents.
That said, it appears these parents are very interested in the education of their children and would probably provide a great environment regardless of the local government schools. If the parents care, the kids care, and the government workers at the school somewhat care and are decent, it’s probably a winning combination.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:07 am
IMO, I would lean towards the “solid-but-not-as-stellar” school district and money in the bank compared to the “better” one.
You said yourself it’s solid. Is this other school like the best in the state? If it isn’t then don’t worry about it.
I’ve known friends who went to “great” school districts and turned out to be not too successful or educated. I’ve also known friends who went to “border-line” schools and turned out successful and highly intelligent about the world.
I know, anecdotal, but honestly having the parents stress out because of finances to put little Johnny into the “best schools” is going to cause more harm than good, IMO. You could put that extra money in supplementing his/her education with extra activities , money for hobbies (chemistry set/lego sets/lessons) than with the long slog of a “better” school.
There are so many variables that honestly, if they aren’t dodging bullets or going through metal detectors to get to the school, it’ll be fine.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:37 am
My husband and I made the mistake of buying a house in a failing school district, and we had to go through major hurdles to get our child into a decent school. It adversely affected the value of our house and means that we have to drive our kids to and from school everyday.
I find it frustrating that so many people downplay the importance of this decision, or act as if the “richest” school district is the best. Check the ratings; the school we got our son into rates better than any other in the district, and it is in a lower-class neighborhood. It simply has good teachers and involved parents who work to finance the extras through fundraising and volunteer work.
If my son went to our neighborhood school, he would be in a large class with 30+ kids and one teacher. At the school he is in, there are 27 kids, 2 teachers and 2 aides. He is reading at a 6th grade level in the 2nd grade, and is excelling at school.
Schools don’t just get bad ratings for academics; lower-quality schools can sometimes have problems with drugs or violence. That includes elementary schools.
My advice would definitely be to rent for a while in the neighborhood you want. Even if you’re sick of renting, even if you know it’s a buyer’s market, it sounds like you’re not sold on owning a house again. Keep that emergency fund intact and rent for a year and try out the school district. Not only are schools very different, teachers within schools are very different too; some kids work well with some teachers, and some kids don’t. Your mileage may vary, but renting will keep you from having to commit to this decision before you have all the facts.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:35 am
This isn’t a decision I will ever face, but I haven’t been out of school for very long, so I can share that perspective. By the time I graduated high school I’d attended 6 schools (and then 3 colleges before finishing my B.S. — one of each type). My elementary and junior high schools were probably decent — each had a higher level math class for us smarty-pants. For high school we decided to move and I chose a very good high school (I chose it for the fencing team). It was a very wealthy district; many of my friends lived in McMansions while we rented an apartment. I’d advise parents to choose schools based on the teachers. Do they love teaching? Are their students engaged? Nine years later I still remember my favorite teacher, Mr. Stacy, doing entertaining impressions of Alexander Hamilton and President James Madison. And my math teacher did such a good job that I still love calculus. (Honestly, I enjoyed high school more than college.)
March 13th, 2010 at 8:53 am
When we moved to Portland we have friends who said “you can’t live in Portland with their horrible schools, you should move to suburb X with their better schools.”
So what did we do? Moved to the “hood” in Portland.
We love our neighbors, and the neighborhood is rapidly changing with lots of like-minded young families moving in.
We believe in diving in and making a difference rather than checking out and going with private schools, or fleeing to the suburbs.
Our 3 year old daughter’s favorite activity is to read, and I feel there’s more to life than a “formal” education. She had a passport and left the country at 3 months, and has already been to more countries than most American’s. Which unfortunately isn’t saying much.
We also wanted her to be exposed to multiple cultures, not just the 99% “white bread” suburban culture of the suburbs.
Go with the modest neighborhood, instill a love of education, save for their education, and they’ll be fine.
Also, there is nothing wrong with state schools, it’s the fact that you get a higher degree that makes the biggest difference. What they do with that degree matters more.
March 13th, 2010 at 9:29 am
One more view - I agree that a lot of it is about the child but let me point out one small thing.
I was an above average but not ragingly stellar student in my high school. My high school at the time was one of the best public schools in several counties at least.
I got into an extremely hard to get into public college [at the time, again, the top public school in the country] in part because I did as well as I did in a school that was known to be rigorous.
Going to that GREAT college and being a moderate student [solid b+ only] got me a FULL SCHOLARSHIP to law school. Can’t beat that.
Now the law school was NOT a great school - a decent one but not great - here was time where it was up to ME. I did very well, stayed in the top 10% and made law review - this won me a job in one of the huge NYC firms making oodles of money right out of school [and sadly spending even more than I made LOL]. An interesting note? Those not in the top 10% of my school couldn’t get an interview at the big firms at ALL - however those in ‘better’ law schools could be in even the middle of their class and not only get interviews but get hired.
Now for me? We live in a modest middle class area - we’re probably more educated than most of our neighbors but I love that my kids aren’t raised in an atmosphere of who has the newest whatever. And the elementary school is a solid one. However for middle and high school we’re paying to send them to a tougher private school - because I feel that it will be to their advantage sufficiently that it’s worth my cash to pay for it.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:00 am
Really enjoyable discussion. I’m a retired teacher, have 3 college educated children, 2 grandchildren graduating college this year, l more finishing her freshman college year and one graduating from a small rural high school this year and accepted at exactly the college he wished.
I can’t see that it matters a hill of beans where a child goes to school as long as it feels “right” to the whole family and as long as there is a strong family commitment to the child and his/her concerns.
I do agree with those who suggest family vacations, summer camps,out-of-school enrichment activities, and, especially, travel.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:43 am
I am very glad that I purchased one of the most modest homes in the best school district in my town. My daughter does go to school with children from more affluent families. This is a good opportunity to discuss my values with her. She is very bright and I am glad to see her receiving a great education. I feel that this is among the best gifts I can give to her. I understand going with the 15 year mortgage, though. Just thought I would share what has been best for my family. Luckily, I did find an affordable home in the neighborhood I was interested in.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:00 am
Props to JD for acknowledging that since he doesn’t have kids he can’t answer the question the same way a parent might. I’m sure I did this before I had kids and now it’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Everything changes when kids are brought into the picture.
We are struggling with this decision right now too. My daughter is only 2 but the preschools are tied to the elementary schools in our current town so we have less than a year before we need to apply. We will only be renting because we only plan to be in this state for 5 years or less so we’re not planning to buy so it’s a bit easier for us to make a change if we weren’t satisfied with our choice.
Some things we’re considering in our decision:
1. Is it a good school compared to a bad school or a good school compared to a great school? The school district we are in now is poor. I don’t think I’d want my daughter to even attend preschool or kindergarten in it. It’s borderline dangerous and I wouldn’t want to associate with many of the parents in it. Many of the school have been re-branded “magnet” schools but I don’t think the quality has improved.
2. Cost. Since it’s such an under-performing area this city has grants to pay for private preschools unassociated with the school system. Additionally the public preschools are completely free. If we changed towns we wouldn’t have access to this grant program.
3. What other facilities are available in the area? Good public libraries? Parks? Grocery stores? Farmer’s markets?
4. Diversity & fitting in are also concerns for us more as parents than for our kids who will still be young when we relocate again. We’d like our kids to be surrounded with different kinds of people but in our case this seems to be more of an all or nothing situation.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:39 am
It is a tough decision. We have a daughter in kindergarten and a son in 3rd grade, and although we like our neighborhood, the schools in our area of the city are lackluster/borderline.
Despite that, our city’s school district has a lottery transfer process which allowed us to transfer our son to one of the best schools in the city for his kindergarten year. The transfer process also gives priority in the lottery for siblings and transfer students who want to remain at their transfer school. So, both our kids are able to attend a great school in a middle-income neighborhood with very involved parents.
However, the transfer process works a bit differently for middle and high school, so we’ll need to decide what to do as that time gets closer, since it’s not assured that we’ll be able to transfer into our desired schools.
I know people who spend $10,000-$15,000 per child per year for K-12 private school. I’m not sure how they afford it, and I’m also not sure that the cost is justified compared to the better public schools.
It’s a tough choice that requires you to examine your values about money and education, as well as your neighborhood and the social environment that your kids are exposed to for the time they’re at school.
March 13th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
I should preface this by saying that we don’t have kids. I grew up going to suburban public schools in a good district. The schools in our district were definitely better than city schools, but I don’t feel I would’ve gotten a better education at the nicer schools within the district. I think it’s a waste to put kids in private school unless the surrounding school district has a poor rating. Kids will face much of the same issues in public and private.
March 13th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
I’m with Marc @ #4. A good private school in the first 3 or 4 years (k-Gr3) will set a strong foundation for future learning at any school.
And in fact that is what I did. I don’t own my home, and have spent the difference between rent and the mortgage payment on sending my daughter to a prinvate school. My daughter went to a private school for the last two years (Gr8-9), and is home now, and plans to have all her highschool credits done by the end of Gr11. She will graduate a year ealier than her “classmates” by her own choice, and none of my doing.
The private school with its small classes (Gr9 had NINE students in the class) was worth every dollar in giving her a strong base to pursue future eduction. I wish I had sent her earlier.
March 13th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Lisa,
We are a military family and have moved a lot. We always factor in the school district when choosing where to live. That really is the main consideration: I research the schools; determine the minimum standard for us; and we don’t even look in any other neighborhoods. Also, the neighborhoods with the better schools tend to be safer as well, with less crime, etc.
That being said, you said the school district with the more affordable house was “solid”, not horrible. Horrible is where I personally draw the line.
JD broached on a point that I’d like to try to make about going out of your way to get your kids the “best of the best” in terms of Name Brand Education, so to speak. Currently, my middle schooler is attending a very good public school. Thing is — it’s very homogeneous, and a lot of the kids are much more privileged and well off than he is, and we’ve had to curb a lot of “entitlement” issues around here.
Now, kids can suffer from a sense of entitlement no matter where they live or go to school — ultimately the parents can have the most influence in that regard — but it’s just something to think about when you make your decision: The amount of materialism they may be around in a wealthier neighborhood; and what their “normal” will be.
I’ve joked that we should have bought a house in a ghetto, then my son would appreciate what he has more than he does now. I’m just kidding, but there’s an element of truth underneath the banter.
March 13th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
According to polls, people tend to think that schools in America are failing, but that their school is doing fine. I think that a family’s school experience is what they make of it. If something about the “lesser” school isn’t working for this family they will find a solution for it, whether that means finding an activity outside the school, at home or working within the community to make change.
March 13th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
I agree that you should make your decision based on finances and work at fostering your child’s love for education and expose them to as much as you can outside the classroom.
I didn’t go to the best schools but I was able to go to one of the best Universities in the country. My parents stressed the importance of education and exposed me to things that helped me become the successful person I am today. The best gift they gave me was to teach me to love reading.
March 13th, 2010 at 3:36 pm
My son is only 4, so this is mostly how he’s experienced daycare, what we learned about the local schools, and what I remember from being a kid who moved around a lot. Plus my experience as a tutor.
Kids with involved, literate parents do well in almost any school. You might have to do some supplemental instruction if your schools are really really bad, but in general even in schools with terrible test scores the middle-class kids with educated parents do fine.
My experience growing up is that I would rather be one of the richer kids in my neighborhood than one of the poorer ones, and that stability - including savings, not having to worry about money all the time, and parents having some free time instead of working all the time - is way more important than actual wealth.
So we chose an affordable house in a moderately-priced city neighborhood. It means our frugal habits don’t make him feel deprived, compared to other kids he knows; it means I can work part time instead of full time; it means we’re saving for our retirements and his education. Incidentally, it means he’s going to a racially diverse daycare and will be in a racially-diverse school, too. Another benefit is that we have city buses and almost everything is in walking/biking distance - the middle-school and up kids here have way more freedom of movement than I did at their age, living in a car-dependent area.
March 13th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
Speaking as a teacher in the public schools: We often see kids who have been homeschooled until the last year of hs when the parents put them in public schools to avoid problems with transcripts for college. In every case these kids far outshine our brightest kids academically and socially. they are more polite, get along with adults, understand respect for other people and their belongings, and haven’t adopted the drug/sex llive sytle. They are a breath of fresh air. Choose a house in a neighborhood you are comfortable in and homeschool. It is cheaper than private school, and evvery bit as good.
March 13th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
I haven’t read the other replies, but I’d say you need to not feel guilty for cheaping out every time you know of some possibly better option for something that you’re not getting just because of the money.
All the clues in your story point to the affordable neighborhood, and for 1/10 the amount of money you will be saving on your mortgage and other expenses, you could sure afford a lot of fun educational activities and tutors to make up for any possible shortfall at the neighborhood schools.
March 13th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
For me, this is a case of having your spending in line with your values. I value an excellent education for my children above many of the other trappings of a “successful” life. Therefore, I will be sending my children to the school that offers what I feel is the best education even if it costs me dearly. I am more than willing live frugally in all other areas of my life (eg. small house, small car, not the latest in clothes or electronics, fewer/cheaper vacations, use coupons, shop sales, etc.), in order for my kids to have the education I want for them. These are my values, ones I hope to pass on to my children, and that is what I will spend my money on. That said, I will not stretch my finances to the point where I will not have enough savings for retirement, because I also value not being to burden to my kids when I am old.
March 13th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
My parents always told us that they felt our education was at home, and school supplimented what we learned at home. My sister and I went to a good school, but not the “best” and we both went to good colleges (she to Cornell and me a top rated Liberal Arts school in our state) and have great careers. I definately don’t think that the school will make or break a child. I think the education you get outside of school is far more valuable, and if you view it that way, its better to live somewhere you are comfortable than trying to get the kids into the “best” school.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
I think the parents’ role is MUCH more important than the school district. Unless the school district is really bad. On the flip side, the only way a school district ever changes for the better is by getting parents and students to step up and change it. It doesn’t take money as much as it takes commitment. IMHO.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I’m married with no kids (yet). But my husband and I were both kids and went through completely different educational tracks and I wanted to share my thoughts based on that.
I was raised middle class suburb. My parents stretched thin to put my brother & I into private Catholic schools. They were good quality schools and I got a strong, quality education that was “better” and harder then the public schools in our suburbs.
My husband was poor growing up. His family was actually homeless at one point in time. He went to local public schools in an “okay” community. Not great schools, but not horrible either. Just mediocre.
We both turned out great with education. Why? I think it’s because of the importance of education our parents instilled in us and how involved they were. It was important enough to them that they were involved and I know both our education’s thrived because of it.
Our (hopefully someday) children will go to “decent” public schools because that’s the reality of what we can afford. Plus, as I’ve grown and seen what stretching thin has done to my parents retirement and my own school loan debt vs. my husband’s education costs (free until college, with almost no debt)… it makes me comfortable with “okay” public schools as long as we are involved and help our children to understand the importance of education and how it will aid them throughout their lives.
I hope these thoughts add another perspective worth considering.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
WOW what a great bunch of responses!
Not much I can add, so I’ll keep it simple.
We’ve done both. Our daughter started her school life as the only non-minority kid in her class (guess that made her the minority!) and it was an AMAZING wonderful experience. The school was GREAT even though it was perceived in the upper-middle class white community as being a poor-quality school. But the families, while of various ethnic groups, were all very supportive of the schools, the kids were bright and motivated, and the teachers engaged and happy. I would never have known this had I listened to the real estate people, or friends in a nearby (wealthy) town. We were crushed to have to leave due to a job change.
Next community we chose the “best” school district - paid about 20% more for our property, partly because our child had speech therapy needs and we wanted to be sure we were getting the best care. 10 years later, I somewhat regret that decision. Not that the kids aren’t getting a great education, they are, but we could have achieved the same results one district over, and saved about 20% on our house. Plus, our kids would have friends that are more in their income level, and not feel left out that they don’t have the right stuff.
My advice to you? GO TO THE SCHOOLS. Ask for a tour, meet the principal, ask for the name and number of the PTO president. Call her/him and ask what they like and dislike about the school. You may be surprised. One of the elementary schools in our ‘best’ district is terrible. The principal is disdainful of parents, teachers are disheartened, the program is boring. One of the ‘lower’ quality schools is vibrant, full of parents and interesting projects and opportunities for the kids.
Good luck!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
I’m a Father of 5. My three oldest are in elementary school (K, 3, 5).
As long as the local school is not a complete disaster (physical safety is concern), you will be fine. If you keep up with your kids homework, and push them / require more when you see they need it, they will be fine.
In all probability those other schools aren’t really better, they are just more likely to have parental involvement.
March 13th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
Go for the cheaper house.
Save up, take your kids on awesome vacations.
Go to Rome, go to London, teach them history by visiting historic US sites. Read them stories about everything, and reward them for doing well in school at home.
A child who loves to learn is a child who will do well in school.
A child who is smart is one who doesn’t have to try in school, therefore has horrible study habits.
My advice? (as a recent 2006 high school grad, number 9 in my class of 900, full scholarships to schools of my choice, recent drop out of a private university?)
Have your kids graduate high school a year early.
Tell them that you will pay all expenses for them to go to community college for a year, and then to take a trip anywhere they want for 6 weeks (and I mean anywhere).
You will get in return a kid who is well rounded, smart, and knows how to study.
March 13th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
“The schools you go to will mold you as a future person. If you don’t have to try for 12 years and you are on the honor roll every term, you learn bad habits that stay with you for the rest of your life. Trust me.”
This. Irrevocably and absolutely.
I’m currently at an excellent university in California. My single mother busted her ass and took out loans to send me to an elite private high school in an upscale area, a thirty-minute commute from where we lived. My four years in high school made me the person I am today — I’m confident, comfortable in my own skin and among all demographics and ethnicities. I was always less well off than my peers, but the quality of the people was such that they didn’t flaunt their wealth or use it to judge others; it’s like the difference between the “old rich” and the “noveau rich” in Gatsby.
Something like 97% of my graduating class went to college. Even the underachievers were above average when compared to students at ordinary public schools. My point is, the important things are:
1) The peer groups your child hangs out with — they have, by far, one of the largest influences on your child’s development and performance.
2) The quality of teachers and administration. You want people who will work for your students, not against them.
3) The resources the school has to offer. The more involved your child is in the social and extracurricular activities at school, the more developed his social life and the better chance he has of getting into a good college.
Go ahead and live in a more modest area, and send your kids to private school, if that’s financially easier for you. I wouldn’t give up my high school experience for the world.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
We have done both. When we lived in LA, we (well, I — not being married @ the time) chose a working-class (and that is a charitable way of putting it) neighborhood where I could comfortably afford a small home. This may be one of the issues that J.D. was delicately referring to, but it was ethnically a very diverse neighborhood, and I ended up spending $15K+/year on private school because my ex-husband refused to allow our son to attend the neighborhood elementary school.
I moved up to Oregon (with new husband and small kids) in 2007 and thanks to the housing bubble–ie, we sold the LA house for a truckful of money– we were able to buy in a much more upscale neighborhood, which we chose *solely* because it is in one of the best school districts in the state. (We were hoping to convince my son’s father to allow him to accompany us here and go to school here, as he is now in a pretty lousy public school in the SF Valley.) The oldest one of our 3 youngest children will start at the “fabulous” public school next year, and all I can say is that he better like it — because I HATE this neighborhood. We don’t fit in with the people, we don’t fit in with the “gotta have the newest and best and updated every single year” attitude that permeates the place with respect to electronics/cars/other gewgaws, and we are totally, totally, totally unused to living in a neighborhood where people pull the SUV into the garage at 5:30, shut the blinds, and don’t come out again until work the next day. We have tried everything — extending invitations, trying to arrange playdates, etc. etc. etc. — it has been 2 1/2 years, and we still have no friends at all here. We are miserable, hate Oregon, and wish we could go back to our “bad” neighborhood in LA, where we knew all of our neighbors and we were all in it together.
So I guess for us the calculus of kids is yes, they have to have a decent education. If you bring the kids into the world, you owe them as good a start in life as you can give them. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the biggest and the best is what is right for every family. Sometimes the modest choices are going to transmit your values (financial and otherwise) more appropriately to them, and if that means that you need to spend more time supplementing what’s going on at school, well, so be it.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
1) I don’t have kids.
2) The reader already answered her own question when she mentioned, “To compound our ‘analysis paralysis’…” If you recognize that you have analysis paralysis, then you’ve already finished the analysis and now just don’t want to make the decision that you already know makes the most sense.
3) In this case, the decision that makes the most sense is to buy the modest house in the decent school system for this family. The moment your lives begin to revolve around your kids is the moment when you’re going to start teaching them bad habits anyway about priorities in life, so the reader should skip that part and keep teaching good life lessons of frugality and moderation in all things - in other words, decent home in decent school system for the sake of the entire family, not less-than-acceptable home in great school system for the sake of just the kids.